“Happy new year my brother, thank God 2020 is gone o”
“Happy new year to you too, though I really don’t see what to be happy about”
“Haba bros, why are you sounding so pessimistic so early in the new year, you complained the other time that you couldn’t wait for 2020 to expire”
“Ehe, now that it has expired, who says that 2021 would not be a repeat of 2020, or even worse?”
“God forbid! If that is a wish better withdraw it o, you know there is power in the word”
“Hmm, power in the word you say, was it not with this my same mouth that I wished you a happy new year at the beginning of last year, 2020? “Yes, it was, what’s your point?”
“Did you have a happy year?”
“Well, not really, especially with all the brouhaha that accompanied that most difficult year”
“Ok, did I not wish you a happy new year at the beginning of 2019?””Yes you did, as is customary of you considering our long friendship””Did you have a happy 2019?”
“Em…well, not quite. Especially not after the shenanigans of the general elections. You know I lost a lot of money after oga lost the election, and Kubi, that my fine girlfriend, abandoned me unceremoniously for that good for nothing boy that sells gbagagba at the park”
“Ah, gbagagba? The male ‘performance’ enhancer? I thought you told me Kubi left because you were hesitant to propose to her?”
“My brother, you know I had to save face so I concocted that story to avoid answering too many questions from you”
“Now you see my point? I wished you a happy new year in 2019, and you lost money and lost Kubi, after losing your viability and virility in za other room. I wished you a happy new year in 2020 and you did not fare any better. So why should I be enthusiastic about wishing you a happy new year again this 2021? And you tell me about the power in the word”
“O boy tone down the sound of your voice, can’t you see that people are passing by. That I told you Kubi left for that good for nothing boy does not mean that I couldn’t perform. I just confided in you as my friend and now you want to shout it from the roof top. You want to spoil my chances with Dora?”
“Which Dora?””What do you mean by which Dora, how many Doras do you know?”
“You mean that one that assists her mother at the junction to sell mama put?”
“Yes na”
“And you say Kubi left you for that boy that sells gbagagba? I can see that you are destined for an early demise. If you couldn’t ‘handle’ Kubi, that Dora girl would finish you”
“Bros leave that matter, I have learnt my lessons with Kubi. I have also sought and obtained a supercharger. By the time I unleash on Dora, you shall hear her testimonies”
“That is if we do not see your funeral first. And talking of unleashing and supercharger, are you sure that was not what the man at that bank, the one by the corner, FMBC, unleashed on that married lady?”
“Hmm, my brother, that is a salacious gist to start this new year”
“You like grammar too much. Which one is salacious again? Haba, take it easy na, we just entered the new year. Anyway the story is the stuff of Nollywood: illicit sex, betrayal, infidelity, abuse of power, fine children and I hear even death”
“Haba, when did frolicking in za oza room by 2 consenting adults become illicit?”
“But I hear the lady was married to a fine gentleman when they said she was cutting side show with the oga of that bank”
“If she was married nko? Did she not consent to it? Or have you heard any allegation of rape? They were just 2 adults doing their side show”
“Bros how can you talk like that! A woman is married to another man, and is cutting side show with her oga patapata, and you see nothing wrong? And on top of it, I hear she born two pickin for the man come de form say na her husband children? Bros, use your church mind view that thing na, that woman no try”
“How do you know that those children were fathered by that oga patapata of that bank? Did they do a DNA test to ascertain paternity? All this your talk na hear say, dem say dem say”
“Which one is dem say? Didn’t you see the pictures of those children? Swear that they don’t have a very striking resemblance to that oga MD as them fair reach. Ah ah, which other proof do you need?”
“Oh, so we reach definitive conclusions now based on resemblance, abi? And if the oga patapata says he is not their father, how do you prove that in the absence of a DNA test? I don’t even know why they exposed the pictures of those innocent kids, their identities should have been concealed”
“But I hear say as the woman carry the two children go obodo oyibo, she told her husband that they were not his kids”
“All these your I hear say, dem say. What if they had a domestic issue and she was trying to get back at him by saying that, to spite him? And who is even there to corroborate that she said what you heard she said?”
“Haba, she told it to her husband na, everybody knows””Where is her husband?”
“I hear say him don kpai, him don kaput. Heard he died from the heart break”
“My dear I think you are hearing too much these days. I hope it does not affect your hearing in this new year”
“Whatever, my point is that what that woman did was wrong. She deceived her husband and the poor man thought he had two fine kids not knowing he was raising another man’s children. You see eh, fear women o!”
“But why are you laying emphasis only on the woman, how about the oga MD?”
“See, let me tell you, the woman is just like a horse, and the oga is like the rider, and a rider can never ride the horse, unless the horse allows the rider””You are waxing lyrical, and that your statement sounds like the lyrics of a song by Daniel Wilson”
“Yeah that guy, he was good, back in the day. So, if that madam didn’t allow her office oga, there is no way they would have had an affair, talkless of him fathering two children by her”
“But I hear the oga is the MD of that bank and he could have exerted undue pressure on the lady using the powers of his office””She should have still resisted it and simply said no. That way she would have maintained their marriage and her husband, poor guy, wouldn’t have died”
“Hmm, really. I also heard that the lady was getting accelerated promotion while she was still working with the bank. You don’t think that was the hand of the monkey in the soup?”
“When did monkey start cooking soup? Haba we are talking of the woman and her side bobo and you brought in monkey”
“That was just a figure of speech, an anecdote. See you have to upgrade this year to flow on the same level as myself. I meant that the oga could have been unduly influencing her promotion as subtle coercion, if what I heard is right”
“Oh, you have also started hearing””You know this saying that birds of feather flock together. Show me your friend and I’ll tell who you are. I think you are rubbing off, albeit wrongly, on me””Hahaha, what are friends for if not to rob from each other”
“I said rub off, not rob from. You need to upgrade, I’ve said it”
“Rub off o, rob from, all na rob. And my problem is that a young promising husband has been robbed of his life because of side show between his wife her bank MD. I will pull out my funds in that bank to register my annoyance if they don’t sack that oga”
“Pull out? Pull out what? How much do you have there?”
“My Esusu contribution””How much na?”
“E don nearly reach Thirty Five Thousand Naira”
“That is what you are threatening to ‘pull out’ if they don’t sack the MD for collecting side show?”
“Yes, and for killing that young man”
“My dear mind your tongue, who killed who? Be careful of saying what you don’t know about and making unfounded allegations. The branch manager, infact the front desk teller will quickly close that your miserable account and hand you your tachiri balance without sweat. When people are talking about pulling money out, you open your mouth over that your miserable Thirty Five Thousand naira. That’s why you want an MD to be sacked. You are not serious”
“CBN should take action, they can’t allow this thing to stand”
“CBN to do what? Did the bank do anything wrong? You have a private affair between 2 adults, allegedly, and you are here calling CBN”
“But what that woman and her oga did was wrong na, haba, it’s criminal”
“However you look at it, everything is an allegation for now. And by the way, adultery is not a crime.”
“Really? But my guy Adamu was punished for cutting show with his neighbour’s wife somewhere in Sabon gari, in that their state?””That’s in the North, here in the South adultery is not a crime”
“So that means married people cutting show is legal here?”
“I didn’t say it was legal, just that it’s not a crime”
“You are trying to use my head. So na so the MD don chop clean mouth, just like that, and life goes on for him and that wicked woman? And that poor guy just die like that? Chai, this life no balance, there is God o!”
“Well if the allegation is proven, questions of ethics, coercion and abuse of power by the MD could arise and I’m sure the bank’s management would investigate the matter and take appropriate action”
“If they don’t do something I will still pull out my funds!””Please stop this your ‘pulling out your funds’. Haba, are you Dangote?””O boy! Now you have mentioned Dangote, I hear some people just de harass that oga for internet like that”
“Seems this will be the year of ‘hearing’ and ‘ogas’. What did you hear again?”
“I hear say one oyibo woman talk say oga Dangote na her one time bobo like that wey come scatter her heart”
“Na wa””She even post picture of them two together”
“Anybody will want to pose with oga Dangote. That’s even one my new year resolutions”
“She come say she still retain something from him”
“Retain? Did she get pregnant for him or have a kid for him? I did not hear such”
“No, no be say she born pickin or carry belle. She say him teach am how to make money. Na wetin she retain be that”
“Ha, me I fear o. I believe she is just seeking cheap popularity or notoriety on the back of oga Dangote. Moreover I read somewhere he has denied ever having any such encounter with her”
“Before nko, did you expect him to admit he did any such?”
“My dear cool down, this is a new year. Let oga Dangote not get angry and increase the price of sugar and cement. As I’m planning to start laying foundation I don’t want to hear stories about price of cement”
“Oh, you have saved enough to start laying foundation. God is good o.”
“My dear one has to start somewhere and quickly too. 2020 caused too much set back. Moreover if this my thing with Dora works she needs to see that I am capable.”
“Nna eh, women strong o. From bank MD, to oga Dangote and now to your foundation. You now see say na women de in charge”
“You are getting the picture all wrong””Hmm, did you also see the picture where oga was lying down on a couch? Dem say na bumshot, fear women o.””Get yourself together this man, enough with your gossip. Happy new year”
“Hmmm, fear women o”
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