I’m bored stiff with the politics of this nation. Let’s call it gangsterism rather, since politicians and their supporters have refused to listen to wise counseling let alone tolerate any kind of opposition. I’m tired of the inter-tribal wars fought in the cyber space, where combatants appear insensitive to the deteriorating state of the nation. I can no longer stand the glaring gang-up against one man who has been forced to switch parties, like Argentina’s Lionel Messi changes positions as he charges at the 18-yard box of his opponents in a soccer match.
Away from Atiku Abubakar, Bola Tinubu and Peter Obi, let’s digress to one issue that, though may sound ordinary, could be critical to the progress of the society. It is the issue of bride price.
It becomes even pertinent to discuss it in this era when the women are struggling to have a share of their fathers’ properties, leaving right thinking persons to wonder how a man could pay a price on you, take you home and you still look behind for equal rights in the home you had left for good?
High bride price in the typical African community is one phenomenon that has attracted widespread condemnation, although grooms and their families still find a way to pay and get what they wanted. Some years back, the Nenwe community in Enugu State pegged bride price at N5,000 in what they termed the new millennium marriage bonanza. Yet, sometime ago too, a seminar on “Igbo Women in Socio-economic Changes” called for the abolition of bride price.
Sad enough, bride price is an issue that has defied every attempt to control it by legislation. Parliamentarians in the second republic talked about it while traditional rulers have tried in vain to peg it in practice, not just in theory.
The issue, when mentioned in a gathering, is treated like a big joke and its seriousness melts away in laughter and amusement. The far reaching harmful social and economic effects on the society are lost sight of.
The story behind the escalation of bride price is one that shows that daily we degenerate in folly rather than grow in wisdom. When some of our young men who left the shores of Africa to fight for the white man in the First World War came back home, they had lots of money to spend, having been heavily compensated through what was in those days know as their allotment. Starved of women, they pounced on the available damsels, dangling their fat wallets and even dispossessing some men of their wives. Then, the bride price which has actually been with us since ages grew into a monster.
This is similar to the present day situation where men on economic mission abroad come home with their dollar-power in pursuit of home bred girls. They throw about so much money that the mouth of parents water. Home-based bachelors are worse off in the rush as parents of available brides look out for prospective grooms from abroad.
The demerits of high bride price are many. It leads to a pile-up of overgrown girls without husbands and aged men without wives. The result is promiscuity and moral decadence.
A man’s status, to a large extent, determines the degree of his acceptance in the society. If he is married, his image is enhanced and when he speaks, people listen. Everyone desires societal acceptance and does anything to get it. In their craving, some are likely to indulge in unholy acts like fraud, 419, drug pushing and armed robbery, to get enough money to marry.
In some societies, it is the dowry that is paid. The dowry is property or money brought by a bride to her husband when a marriage is contracted. In places like India where it is practised, the father of the woman looks for money to give to his son-in-law who, it is reasoned, has come to inherit part of his responsibilities and who needs to be mobilized. This is contrary to our own culture where the suitor turns his pockets inside out for his in-laws and goes home with nothing left for the upkeep of the new family.
One reason often advanced by some parents who could beat Shylock in a competition is that they spend money raising their daughters and so deserve compensation. If this argument is held, then the situation is not in any way different from the poultry keeper who spends money feeding his chicken and so aspires to make profit in the sale of the chicks.
Dowry or bride price, I believe the more sensible, less hypocritical thing is not to compel any party in a proposed marriage to pay money. Like the Lord Jesus Christ said, the man should leave his parents and cleave to his wife, while the woman leaves her own parents as well and cleaves to her husband with no strings attached and they would become one unconditionally.
I expect women to be in the forefront of the fight against bride price which does nothing else but debase womanhood, projecting them as ornaments for sale. Anything with a price tag is a commodity and it was only in the slave trade era that human beings bore price tags. Bride price, in no way, raises women’s status. That millions were paid to their parents gives the same impression of a young man who goes into an auto shop and gets a brand new Rolls Royce, or Toyota, or even a used one. High bride price rather makes more difficult the realization of the much talked about women emancipation because social justice forbids a ‘property’ in a man’s house to shout for liberation after willingly submitting to be purchased.
In the present circumstance, the women stand to suffer since they outgrow marriage faster than men due to their biological nature. At 50, a man goes into the brides market and gets the youngest of them all. At that age, a woman is like Siberia, everyone knows it is there but no one seeks to go there.
The Nenwe initiative of those days, I guess, collapsed as soon as they took that decision. However, on a Candid Note, the proper thing is to go beyond pegging it at N5,000 and decree a total abolition. Just think about that.
Dr. Odu can be reached through [email protected] or SMS 07016722929
